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kick me in the jimmy

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life will be good... [Jan. 8th, 2006|10:37 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
when i get strong
when i can eat whatever i want
when i pay off my debts
when i buy a house
when i have a functioning performing band
the next time i see vas
the next time i see javed
when i don't have to watch my spending
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Post Thanksgiving [Nov. 28th, 2005|12:05 am]
kick me in the jimmy
i'm finally going to update this piece o turd journal with some good fucking feelins. this past month has been so great, i'm just bursting with the necessary stream of bullshit to type upon these pages. my good buddy vas rode his bike down here (to south FL) from NJ, arriving on sept 27th. he proceeded to rock out till nov 23rd (and we ROCKED baby!) with a whole bunch of awesome shit going down in the meantime. JAVED finally got his lardass down here for some partyin, and wildman made it back down at the same time so we had the ole dumont crew together for the 1st time in probably 4 years. we caroused, we jammed, love burned on into the night so finely that i'm going to need some decompression time now. javed and wildman were each down for 5 days or so and it was a shame to see them go, but go they did. on nov 22nd we (vas, lija and i) cooked a big thanksgiving feast that we could enjoy before vas hit the road again the next day.

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grab the BULL by the horns [Sep. 19th, 2005|04:40 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
every time i type anything in this fucking livejournal box, i feel stupid as hell. that disclaimer having been typed, here comes the stupidity:
i need money
to travel
to buy stuff
so that i don't think about money all the fucking time
i love that Lija, but sometimes she's a stupid cunt.
i have nothing of importance to say
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gosh i'm stupid [Aug. 5th, 2005|11:33 am]
kick me in the jimmy
sometimes i read my journal and cringe. i can be a real fuckin idiot sometimes.
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free me seymour [Jun. 4th, 2005|12:36 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
i would love to just go on tour and collect beautiful moments where life is still and the stars sparkle and all the people i love would be around me smiling and loving it all...those moments where the air seems wide open all around and inside you as you breathe it, everything in your field of vision becoming crystal clear as the night around you explodes with color and you realize the simple joy that living brings. good people, good music in some gorgeous remote location on a mountainside and i can cut loose i can dance with every muscle in my body to every tiny nuance in the flowing sound all around me, FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE as water in a restaurant FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE for a majestic few minutes, just enough to keep me alive till the next time.

lija won't come with me
i have to go by myself
i'll live right

bye guys
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fuck alex trebek and fuck jeopardy too [Apr. 2nd, 2005|03:29 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
i want more life. i want to feel like i'm living for something. i'm so fucking empty and jealous and plain ole fucked up. yeah i'm selfish (self-obsessed, self-involved) yeah so? whats gonna make me feel good? me, thats what. yeah, but what do i do to do that hoodoo that i do? i gotta learn stuff: languages, music, art. i gotta experience things: travel, dance, lovehate. i have to produce something tangible or spiritual or inspirational....JUST FUCKING LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE but i'm living like i want death! i want to sing and run and fight and holler and fuck and instead i sit at the fucking computer or stare vacantly at the tv tube or sit at fucking work and plotz and its fucking killing me man fucking killing me. i have no excuses now; i don't even smoke pot anymore i'm just a bum fucking goodfornothinguselesspieceofshitjustlikemomsaid bum!!!! i want to be able to speak eloquently again; i love to entertain and dance and everything good am i just a medium for that kind of thing or does it actually stem from me? it stems from me, dickhead! maybe i just need a good book to take my time...i need to take classes...i need to go on tour...i need to make money...fuck this fuck this shit right out of the park fuck the rain fuck the sun i hate it all. but i love it all too but i can't FEEL that now i only feel the agony. where's the joy? where's the love for life? where's all this? i control this shit right? right. blow me
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curses [Mar. 8th, 2005|05:43 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
i have major trust issues. i have always had a very hard time letting my guard down, even among good friends and family. lately this has been bumming me out to no end, as i've been married 3 weeks today, and i still am having trouble trusting my wife. this is not totally my fault, as she kind of cheated on me before we were married (thus the "Lija is a waste of life.." post from a while ago). part of me knows that she loves me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but that was how i felt when she did it. sure, things are different now (hell, we're MARRIED) but it keeps going through my head. once trust is lost, does it ever come back? i guess i'll find out. in general, i don't trust women in relationships. i've seen so many examples of stupid bitches who'll suck some guy's dick and then call their boyfriends and tell them "i love you baby". it's fucking hard to love somebody without reservations when you have reservations. whenever it came to a choice between her ex and me, she always chose HIM. i keep flashing back to this shit and wondering "why would you marry me if you want someone else more?" of course, i know the answer to this one, and it AIN'T love.

i fucking HATE being the second choice.
i fucking HATE the fact that we were married out of necessity.
i fucking HATE letting this mess my life up.

no matter what, married or not, i live for myself.
this is my shit to dig through and i will.
there's nothing and no one i can't live without.

i am colder than ever before. my apathy grows daily. i am strong. i am weak.
i must not lose heart.

thanks, bob marley
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follow the bouncing balls! [Jan. 21st, 2005|07:15 pm]
kick me in the jimmy
i hardly update this because i feel so damn good! its easy to let the LJ fall by the wayside when everything's goin smooth. and i continue to let it rot with this crap-ass entry. well thats all, folks! gimme kiss XOXO
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so i'm climbing this mountain... [Jan. 2nd, 2005|11:35 am]
kick me in the jimmy
life is so good right now its crazy. i haven't felt this consistently joyful since my college days, and this is a phenomenal thing. i've moved into a bitchin 3-br house with a few good friends resulting in a huge increase in quality-of-life...i've been workin a lot at the hotel, making dough and friends; i've reunited in some ways with Lija, although i know too much now to totally get stupid over her again; my money flow is good; i got all my x-mas cards out. fuckin great
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november doldrums [Nov. 19th, 2004|11:15 am]
kick me in the jimmy
i'm down in the dumps...this lazy month has yielded naught but hot air and stench. befouled and befuddled, none of my dreams has become reality; i am a broken husk of a man (or boy). AND the time has come to leave again, for the road to embrace me and make the loneliness bearable, to coat it with sweet shiny NEWness like an apple coated with caramel. EXCEPT now the apple has worms (like my tapeworms) and holes and no amount of frosting or sugar can sweeten it. but still i live and breathe and when the sun shines on my face i can feel the vitamin D being produced and i'm in my glory. the ocean is a shattered mirror with the white foam (the coke) permeating its high-gloss surface. melancholy bums walk the beach and i fit in with them. what am I?
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